I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Hippo gnu deer
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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