I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
