A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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