if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Randomize
