I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
