I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
