White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
