It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
