He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
