yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
