How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
