she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
