I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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