i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
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