He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize