i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
