I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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