Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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