i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Enjoy the penises
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
