meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
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