Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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