Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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