I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
