She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
