you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
