i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
