Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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