you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Randomize
