So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
