she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
