I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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