Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
