I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
