why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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