I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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