He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
