she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
In other news, I just burned my penis
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
