You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize