Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
