is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
