You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
