that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
