Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
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