listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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