I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
pray to the hookup gods
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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