I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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