Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
