Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
