How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
