i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
