i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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