He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize