i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
