I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
