I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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