First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
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