I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize