Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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