I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
