On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Did you pee in the oven last night??
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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