Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
