She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
