But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
This is the prime rib incident all over again
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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