We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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