would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize