You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
