she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I have grass duct taped all over my body
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Randomize
