Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
