this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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